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The Spouse that was.

Most of my posts are realistically about my baby boy, dogs or daily life as a military spouse. I make no claim to be an expert at politics and although I personally support many causes, I don’t look to convert you. My main goal is to make people aware. I’ve done posts on Breast Cancer awarness and WAS syndrome, as they pertain to my life and the people I am close to. In the past couple months I’ve come across another area that I prayed I would never have to deal with, or have any of my friends deal with; domestic violence.

There is no easy way to bring up the matter, and there is no denying it is more common than people would think. In the recent months I’ve had two people that either I or my husband are close to, become victims of it. These two people are the last people I’d expect to have to deal with this. They are smart, strong and independent. So what do I do? My husband and I are both strong believers in protecting people from these kinds of problems, but we can’t step in and make someone leave. In both cases they were military and their chains of command were informed of the situation. Both have been offered a place to stay here if they so choose to leave, but I can’t make the first step for them.

The military does not offer enough resources for these spouses. They are moved from their home every 2-5 years and often live a life of solitude because it’s hard to get to know other military spouses. Not to mention, many of them have no way to support their families so even if they do want to leave, they can’t. Commands often brush these issues under the rug or offer ‘Counseling’ to make sure it doesn’t happen again. But nobody really empowers the spouse to leave. They are not offered places to go, schooling or childcare help so they can get on their own feet.

Talking to a couple people I realized that anyone in this situation needs several things packed in an emergency bag.
-Pay by the minute phone, so you can call for help
-Spare car key, so if yours gets taken, you have a way to leave.
-Extra money in a form that cannot be cut off or taken.
-Copy of all important documents (birth certificates, social security cards, proof of insurrance, passports)
Clothes, for every weather. Don’t leave in the middle of winter without a coat
Toys for your babies
Granola bars or something to get you through the first night
Water!!!

It may be hard to confide in a friend, but that friend could save you and your babies lives if you have to leave. It may be hard to find information on a deadline, but here are a few sites I’ve found with information for both the vitim, their family or friends.

Military One Source

Kim Rabb wrote a really good article about military domestic violence.

About.com did an article on it as well.

The American Bar Association put out these statistics.


Help for Domestic Violence

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About Military Bride

Military Bride is my view of the world from a veteran, spouse, and mommy perspective. I’m sure it’s going to be a bumpy ride, but I don’t mind sharing triumphs and tears with you. I joined the Military at the age of 21, and met my husband not to long after. We’ve been married a little over 3 years, and have a beautiful baby boy. My life has already gone through drastic changes, from getting out of the military, to becoming a mommy and going back to school. I look forward to sharing my experiences with you.

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